Cherry Tree

I stop by Caitriona's photoblog every few days. She posted this photo today and I've been staring at it off and on for over an hour now. The blue light and bronze leaves are fascinating. I'd love to discuss this shot if anyone has any thoughts.

South Park Donovans

This was a fruitful waste of time.

Home early & a need for new pants

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4. What does it say? Browse, organize, and view your …

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What can you touch? My bedroom wall. It's green.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV? A British historian talking about the Revolutionary War on The Discovery Channel.

4. Without looking, guess what time it is. 5:03pm

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time? 5:09pm

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? The fan from my bathroom, Kristin closing cupboard doors in the kitchen, Jaimes saying "owie" over and over.

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing? This afternoon when I left work early because our internet and phones were down.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at? USbank.com in order to grab the logo to try and LiveTrace it in ai.

9. What are you wearing? Gray GAP pants that I wear pretty much everyday, gray short-sleeved plaid shirt that's a little too tight.

10. Did you dream last night? Yes – but I don't remember what it was about. Zombies were probly involved. I have zombie nightmares A LOT.

11. When did you last laugh? This afternoon when Jaimes was flipping through the Bible. She was babbling to herself. I looked back at her from my desk and she looked up at me. "Read – Beyebo," she said. I laughed. She thumbed through silently from that point.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in? A large, beautiful painting involving the sacraments, painted by my friend, Shaun LaRose.

13. Seen anything weird lately? Not really – why? Am I in trouble?

14. What do you think of this quiz? It's ok.

15. What is the last film you saw? In the theatre? Motorcycle Diaries (Excellent). V For Vendetta (Lame).

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy? After we paid off school debt we'd create an emergency fund equal to six months of expenses. Then we'd purchase two good (though gently used) cars – probably a PT Cruiser (bleh) and a VW GLi (hooray!). We'd pay cash for a large house in the country with lots of rooms and land. We'd invest a good portion in mutual funds. We'd create and complete Jaimes's college fund and stop putting off adopting another kid. We'd hold the first annual White Mug Bon Fire the following October and fly all of our friends and family in to attend. I imagine we'd tour Europe for a month or so. There's a lot more I can think of, but the necessary details are hazy.

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know. I'm AWESOME at coming up with band names.

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do? Eliminate the "christian music" industry and any subsequent radio stations/merchandising.

19. Do you like to dance? Yes, but others prefer I refrain. I REALLY want to learn to break dance.

20. George Bush: oops.

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Jaimesey Waimsey

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? Possibly Clive. "Possibly Clive" would also make a good band name (see #17)

23. Would you ever consider living abroad? I lived in England for 2 years as a kid – it was good, but also often very hard and lonely. I've been "new" most of my life and I'd kind of like to settle down somewhere for a while.

24. What do you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gate? Well done.

25. Four Five people who must also do this quiz in THEIR journal:
Sanford, Kovacs, Larose, Fields, Dodson

Good Will Trusting

Lately I’ve been feeling a little anxious. Things have been going really well for me and I keep worrying there’s a catch. My new job at the web design firm seems like a perfect fit. Love A Child continues to send me work and there is promise of plenty of work to come. Life had been so hard for so long. My debt and my dreams towered over me – seemingly unconquerable. Now, for the first time in a very long time, I’ve regained some confidence. Though the hard years guard me from arrogance, I doubt myself less and less. But I’m uneasy. I don’t deserve this and my natural inclination is to suspect it will be taken away.

I was sharing this with Kristin and she reminded me of Good Will Hunting. Toward the end of the film, Sean (Robin Williams) and Will (Matt Damon) are having their last therapy session in Sean’s lower-level office. Sean is holding Will’s record. He tells him, “You see this shit? It’s not your fault.”
Will says he knows.
Sean says, “No – you don’t. It’s not your fault.” He steps closer.
Will backs up. “I know,” he says.
“No. Listen to me, son. It’s not your fault.” Closer still.
“I know that.”
“It’s not your fault-”
Will fights back tears. “Don’t fuck with me, Sean – not you.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Will shoves him back. With trembling hands, he then buries his face in Sean’s shoulder, sobbing.

Kristin pointed out that this is how we are with God. He steps toward us with with understanding and extends kindness. We (or at least I) say, “Don’t fuck with me, God – not you.” I shove him back – I distrust his goodness. I receive the good gift, but I wonder what’s up his sleeve.

Let the lying lips be mute,
which speak insolently against the righteous
in pride and contempt.

Oh, how abundant is your goodness,
which you have stored up for those who fear you
and worked for those who take refuge in you,
in the sight of the children of mankind!

-Psalm 31:18-19